just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
