I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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