i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
