everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
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