So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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