Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
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