So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
well you can't waste a boner
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize