so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
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