just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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