How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
