i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
now i know why i became what i already was.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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