What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Jerry, you need to find god
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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