Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
