In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
