the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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