Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
