what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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