therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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