They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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