In the future we'll all be gay
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
