dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
