if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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