My liver just broke up with me...
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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