She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
