how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
