Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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