Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
