I wish my penis had an off switch
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
