he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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