It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
