I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
