I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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