Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
