i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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