my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
