I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
