dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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