He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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