imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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