I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You've changed since you got that strap on
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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