I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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