took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize