My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
