i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Randomize
