My nipple is on Facebook.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
