Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Randomize
