She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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