Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
what day is it and did you see me today?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
