I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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