When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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