I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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