The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Randomize