We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize