But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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