Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
