He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Randomize
