Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I came so hard my ears popped.
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