I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
