Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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