Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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