You made me cry and you don't even care
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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