"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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