get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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