im drinking this country out of the recession.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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