I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
