there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
