Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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