so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
