There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
