If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
