so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
