I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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